I have been wanting to write out the story of Luca's birth for quite some time now. I don't want to forget any of the details from those days that I was in labor. It all started when Nick and I found out I was pregnant on April 4th, 2013. We were so excited and thankful since we had a miscarriage a few months prior. Of course, I was quite cautious since we didn't know if this would end in miscarriage or not. We were very hopeful, praying for this baby to live.
For the first 3 months each appointment was nerve wracking but, thankfully, each ended in us hearing Luca's heartbeat and CRAZY kicks. He was always super active and big inside the womb. Throughout my pregnancy, I wrestled with body image and the comments of the world around me regarding how large I was. "Are there twins in there?" "Are you sure there is just one?" "How much longer do you have?" (Mind you I was only 6 months at this point.) This was all used by the Lord to humble me and to also reveal my heart. Was this pregnancy about me, or was it about bringing God glory for the miracle inside of me? Sadly, I battled this dilemma.
Below is a picture of me and my mom when I was 39 weeks pregnant:
When delivery day came, I had no idea. A few stressful events happened in our life and I battled to stay calm, stop crying and trust the Lord. We went to bed Sunday night around 11pm, December 22nd (3 days before my due date) thinking all was well. Suddenly I awoke at 1:10am to the alarming feeling that I was peeing the bed. Yup, my water broke. I yelled so loud at Nick which totally shocked him as he shot out of bed and I ran for the toilet. I was shaking and in complete disbelief. My water definitely broke but labor had not started.
We called my mom and asked her to come over. I was scared and had no clue what was coming, even though we did the 8 week Bradley Method classes in hopes of having a drug free birth. I sat on the pot for a while until my mom arrived to tie towels around me so I could get up and move. We also called my dear friend Amber to come over since she was to be my doula during the labor. We were ready... so I thought. Eventually, about an hour later, contractions started. They began about 10 minutes apart and moved to about 5-7 minutes apart by 5am. We went outside walking, did the stairs, squats, and eventually just laid down. Amber made me some oatmeal and toast so I could get some fuel in me for the labor ahead. At around 3am Nick decided to call Dr. Frields and let him know my status. He advised us to go to the hospital ASAP. Since the contractions were picking up speed we decided to go to the hospital at 5:15am. Nick prepared the car loading all of our stuff and putting towels on the passenger seat. About 10 min later, once we arrived at Labor and Delivery, I was checked to see how dilated was. The answer- 2cm. I was SO disappointed. I had been a 1.5 since week 36. The Dr. came in around 6:30 and advised me to get an epidural and pitocin to speed things up since my water had broken 6 hours ago (They normally give you an 18 hour time limit for delivery if your water breaks). I declined, sticking to our plan to have a natural, unmedicated labor. I was eventually wheeled in to our room whereupon labor really picked up.
Amber and my mom were now allowed to join us in our room and, boy, was I thankful. They began pushing on my hips and lower back at each contraction while I stared at Nick's face listening to him coach me through every contraction. He was amazing through this whole process. We had a...mmm how should i put this.... a horrible nurse who did not even have an ounce of compassion in her blood. She was tough and absolutely not what I had hoped to have in the room with me. I had to be hooked up to antibiotics (sadly) since I tested positive for Group B strep. This was a huge trial in the beginning of pregnancy for me because I was well aware of the potential negative effects of antibiotics on me, but most importantly, my precious baby.
All the while, the hours kept ticking by. The Dr. came back to check me around noon and I was still dilated at a 2 and the baby had not dropped at all!!! No progress!!!! Ahhh!!! This was EXTREMELY disappointing. I cried and battled in my heart with the Lord as to why He was allowing this. Why did he allow my water to break if Luca wasn't ready to come out!? I asked the Dr. for a few more hours without drugs in hopes of a miracle. We were all praying for Luca to engage and come out soon. In the meantime we got a new nurse! Britney, who actually goes to our church! PRAISE THE LORD! A sweet, positive, encouraging voice to help me/us through this difficult time.
The Dr. came back around 6pm to check my progress. I was about a 2.5!!!! Still no significant change. The Dr. strongly advised an epidural to help me relax and pitocin to help my uterus contract. It had been 16 hours of labor with basically no progress. I was so sad because we prepared and begged God for a natural birth. I wanted to feel my body go through labor and glean all the benefits of clinging to the Lord in the midst of my pain. I wanted the agony of labor to help me have a greater appreciation for what Christ did for me on the Cross when he suffered the wrath of God under the weight of my sin. I wanted the experience with God and to give Him praise and thanks through it all. But of course, He had different plans.
We prayed and decided to go ahead and get the epidural in hopes of it relaxing me to allow Luca to drop into the birth canal and dilate me fast! I felt like a failure, because for me I had decided I was going to not get the drugs and face my fear of pain and do it with Nick! This was now over and our birthplan basically went out the window.
The Dr. came back to check me around midnight, I had dilated to about a 3!! This was just ridiculous. I was in shock. Again, my cry was "WHY, LORD!?". I begged the doctor for a few more hours since he was suggesting a c-section. I certainly did not want surgery! Drugs were one thing, but surgery was definitely not on my radar at all during pregnancy. I expected the pain, I wanted it. I wanted the experience with God. I did not want surgery. I saw how hard it was on my sister, Julie, and that was not how I thought the Lord would have me deliver. So the doctor gave us more time. He returned at 3:30am December 24th to check again.... I was 7cm!!!! But Luca was still a -2 station, meaning he had not dropped...at all.
I was so sad. It had been 26 hours and it was all for nothing, or so it seemed. My time was up. Dr. Frields (who is a wonderful Christian man) called it. He told us it is now unwise to keep trying to do this. My water had been broken for 26 hours at this point, I had been given so much medication, it would not be wise to keep this going. Especially since I had very little progress. Luca just did not want to come out. Thankfully, the whole time his heart rate was strong and he wasn't in distress. As Dr. Frields explained the need for a c-section and why this is the best choice now, I just started balling! All I imagined and hoped for was not ever going to happen. I think a lot of people were crying in the room at this point. My whole birth team was out of a job. I hugged Nick and cried with him and agreed to go through with the C-section since it was the best option we had for Luca. I was exhausted, I hadn't slept or eaten anything in the past 26 hours except the 3 honey sticks I secretly sucked. It was time to meet Luca.
So they prepped me for surgery and off I went... still crying and scared. They eventually let Nick into the room to sit beside me. I didn't feel anything until about 3 minutes into it. I started panicking and before I knew it, I was out (at least to my recollection). Sadly, I do not remember Luca being born. Whatever the anesthesiologist gave me to calm me down, was too much. I thought for sure that I would at least see the doctor raise Luca above that blue curtain when he pulled him out or hear his cry even. Unfortunately, I don't remember. I just remember sort of waking up in recovery with Luca in the bed next to me fighting to stay awake. I just had a baby and I don't have any memory of him coming out. This was COMPLETELY the opposite of what I had hoped for. It makes me cry just thinking about it. For the next several hours I was loopy and fighting to stay alert, I wanted to breastfeed and enjoy Luca but I was fighting against this medication. I was a wreck. I remember seeing my mom holding Luca and I just blurted out in tears telling her how jealous I was of her, being able to hold my son in her right mind. Sorry mom....
Eventually, the medication wore off and I started to feel the surgery effects. I had never had surgery prior to this so I didn't know what to expect, nor did I read the "C-Section" sections in the books I read because I was convinced I wasn't going to have to have a c-section. Lets just say, it's not fun. I now have so much more sympathy and compassion for those who have gone through a c-section.
Like everything, time passes and by God's grace I healed and was able to go home 3 days later. We ended up spending Christmas in the hospital pretty unaware of time. But it was the best Christmas I have ever had. My husband is absolutely amazing. He slept on that hard couch and was jumping at every opportunity to help me or Luca. He hardly slept and was the most supportive and encouraging friend to me. He was my rock, he truly carried me through this physically and spiritually as I battled anger at God and just pure sadness. Let alone all those wacky hormones.
Luca's birth story was definitely not what we had planned to experience. It was the polar opposite of what I hoped for. I have since sought forgiveness from the Lord for my discontentment and anger towards Him for how He planned the birth to go. I still have to ask occasionally as the memory of it brings temptation to sin the same sins. He has been so kind and gracious to me. He is so patient with me and shows me His love and grace as I wrestle with my sin. Looking back, I see His hand through the whole thing. He was SO kind to give us Luca! Luca is worth any inconvenience or pain I have to go through. He is such a gift from God. Also, I have come to understand more and more that I deserve nothing but hell. I deserve nothing to go "my way". I don't deserve a baby, let alone a husband, and least of all, a Savior. Were it not for modern medicine I could have very well died in childbirth. The boy was just too big. So who am I to demand from the Lord anything? Who am I to get angry at Him for not giving me what I want even if its a "good thing"?
Luca's name means "bringer of Light" and he has already brought light to my sinful heart. I am so thankful for Luca, though his birth story still makes me sad when I think about it sometimes. Coming away from this experience I can say with certainty....God is good, all the time.
Luca Nathan Luizzi
9 lbs 7.3 oz
21.5 inches
Born at 5:35am on December 24, 2013
 |
| Getting all checked out |
 |
| My two boys sleeping in the hospital |
 |
| SO thankful he is out and finally letting daddy hold him! |
